As I say to good friend, Richard, frequently–“Give me leave..I am aweary.” And I am, too–right down to my toes. I sat here on the couch after supper (Laurie and I made homemade pizzas) wholly intending to get up and put a leash on Scoop and hit the sidewalk for a bit. Instead, I fell fast asleep–snoring away. I’m about to do it again, too.
I’ve been working and enjoying the assignments very much. I feel good about that part of it. I just haven’t really found rest yet from the school year and I’m hoping that starts soon. I’d like to decompress a bit more than I have and perhaps this 4th of July will be cause for that. It’s a tough thing not to be able to relax. Oh, I know-falling asleep on the couch is sort of relaxing, but it’s not exactly the same thing. I don’t have that sense of calm and relaxation I’m looking for.
It’s an odd place just now–contentment on a professional level, the likes of which I haven’t had in years. Part of this was brought on, by the way, by some research I did via an interview for a job at a private school. I have to leave various of this anonymous–no names of schools or people–but I secured an interview wondering if maybe private schools were better for my Libertarian nature. Turns out–no. In fact, in this instance, the private school did things in a way I thought was profoundly wrong both pedagogically and materially. That’s OK-I don’t think I was their cup of tea, either. In fact, I’m certain I wasn’t. But it was a great lesson in humility. The grass is not always greener. In fact, as my pal Riley says–the grass is not greener. It’s weirder. And he’s right about that. It was indeed weirder.
Anyway, so I’m content professionally–as a teacher, as a writer. I’m content with family life. The adoption proceeds apace and I’m a little nervous about it. But we all are–it’s a real change in our lives. But it’s also exciting and wonderful. But there’s this space that just isn’t allowing me to calm down, rest, take a load off. Maybe the adoption is part of it. Maybe turning 45 is part of it–and the flare up in the neck and shoulder are definitely part of it. But together, whatever “it” is or “they” are, I’m just a bit….well…..flummoxed.
Turned 45 yesterday. A great day, by the way–a fine day. Joined Riley at the Pub and watched Spain v. Portugal in the World Cup. Watched the whole game and that may be the first time ever for me. I enjoyed it. I see what the buzz is–for one thing, soccer–futbol, football–what have you–is far more fast paced than any American sport. I’m no Europhile or anything else, really but an Ameri-ophile (with a dab of Anglophile thrown in), but soccer moves fast–there are few commercial breaks. The game doesn’t stop every two minutes and it’s fun to watch. So there was that.
Last night, a good babysitter and Sue and I and even Aunt Laurie–were off with our friends the Perez’s and our pal Jayme and we went to The Cave for dinner. Utterly remarkable. A great time. Chef Gary makes an incredible tapas meal and the wine was spectacular as was the company and conversation. So, there was that.
Now, though. 45 is here and with it, new horizons. An adoption, a ramped-up writing career, an acceptance of my teaching career and somewhere, a small bright light. Something’s going on. Maybe it’s an idea or a spark or something. But I know that until I can unwind, decompress and let go a little, I won’t know what it is….
Here’s to summer.